Not A Word Not A Breath
by xXBlissfulCursesXx
Summary: Because he understood her. Christmas fic oneshot.


**Author's note- **

**I had to listen to my friend talk about how if there was an emu and it walked into a tree it would be stuck because they can't walk backwards and how 'Mr. Emu' would see a wombat walking backwards and be all like 'Omg...that wombats all like 'Moon walking...like Micheal Jackson'" And then she went into how 'Mr. Emu' would want to be like Micheal Jackson and would 'babysit various smaller emus and only charge $4 an hour because he really liked kids'. Her words - not mine. I eventually stopped paying attention and tuned back in about 5 minutes later and she was gong on about how the wombat would join in and they;d have a party while they moonwalked.**

**Yep - She's insane.**

**Haha. I just wasted you time. That story was completely pointless but entirey true. Me and my mate are insane.**

**Anyway...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own 'smaller emus', wombats, Michael Jackson emus, kids, the moon walk or any of the characters from SVU - Tragic, I know.**

**Enjoy...**

* * *

"I hate Christmas." Olivia grumbled as she flopped back into her chair opposite Elliot's desk. 

"Why?" Elliot instantly regretted his answer, mentally slapping himself for his slip.

Olivia arched her eyebrow but answered his question anyway, "My mother would get drunk then yell at me for sticking decorations around the house. One time we made 'Christmas Stars' in class out of clay. I put mine on our tree and when she went on one of her famous blinders she threw it at me. I ducked and it shattered." Olivia puckered her slips lightly, "So yeah. Don't like Christmas."

"Oh." Elliot was glad everyone else had gone home early and realised Olivia wouldn't have said anything if the squad room wasn't empty.

"How about you?" Olivia asked, looking up from the file she had tried to read in the passing seconds.

"Usually I love Christmas but this year my apartment is looking a bit bare with the fact that I'm not home with my kids and wife." Elliot threw his pen at his desk and sighed.

"Sorry I asked." Olivia mumbled.

"Do you ever feel like Christmas is just this huge joke that everyone else is in on and they're sitting there laughing while you're struggling to deal with the stress or just the overall crapness of it?" Elliot asked as he moved around to sit on the edge Olivia's desk.

"'Crapness' El? I don't think that's a word." Olivia rested her elbow on her desk, resting her chin in her hand.

"You know what I mean, Liv." Elliot half smiled.

"Yeah, I agree with you. It's a joke and we're the outsiders. It's a bitch but you get used to it – let me tell you from experience." Olivia sighed as she stood to get some more coffee.

"Christmas was never any fun?" Elliot asked.

_Suck it up Benson._

Olivia faced her back to Elliot before answering. She tried to form a word but the only thing that came t her lips was a sob which she quickly bit back so she just shook her head.

"Wow, Liv. That's shit." Elliot sighed, walking over to her.

Elliot placed a caring hand on her shoulder, noting that she dropped her head slightly, "Liv?" He whispered.

Olivia just shook her head again as she squeezed her eyes tight against the harsh salt of her tears.

_Keep it together._

"She was only sober one chr…one Christmas," Olivia's voice cracked with emotion as she spoke, "We spent it at McDonalds," She chuckled sadly, "We were laughing the whole time as we threw fries at each other and dipped them in our ice-creams. She told me…." Olivia's voice cracked again, "She told me she loved me and that 'it's just me and you baby, we've only got each other' and I believed her. Just me and her, forever."

"Oh Liv…" Elliot sighed, her story pulling at his heart strings.

_Do. Not. Cry._

Olivia held her breath. She sucked in one gasp of air and didn't let it go, didn't let it go, fearing if she did the emotion would flow out her body like the air seeping from her lungs.

She decided talking was the best way to keep her tears at bay because it kept her mouth distracted from the sobs choking in her throat.

"I once kicked her. She lunged at me with a broken bottle and I kicked her and she went flying. Then I ran. I just flew out the front door," Olivia laughed bitterly once again before turning serious, "I was so scared El. She wouldn't get up and I was so scared. So I ran." Olivia took a deep breath as Elliot's thumb began to rub in circles, tracing the outline of the small metal stud that sat near her shoulder on her jacket.

The first breath wasn't doing its job at sustaining her regular heartbeat. So she took another breath…and another. The beat seemed audible and she was surprised Elliot hadn't asked what all the thumping was about.

She flicked her tongue out to wet her lips, finding the saltines of tears she had so desperately willed away…or at least tried to. She sucked in another deep breath, knowing that it was definitely audible by the way Eliot had squeezed her shoulder lightly.

"I didn't spend Christmas with her that year." Olivia whispered, her voice finally deserting her and taking a hike with her courage and steel against her tears with it – She was now left with no amore to protect her from the emotional onslaught that she knew her mind would evoke on her.

Elliot didn't say a word, Olivia wasn't even positive he was breathing, she should have known better because the next thing she felt was the soft warmth of his breath, from above her as he stepped closer.

He didn't say a word.

She wasn't even positive he was breathing.

But he was.

And she realised it was _her_ breath that had left _her_ lungs.

She inhaled with a slight shaking air.

Not a word.

Not a breath.

Her body was pressed against his. His arms were around her and he held her. He held her like no one had ever before because that's what she needed. She needed to be held in a way that only he knew how.

Because he understood her.

Silence.

She pressed her self against him, her face and tears pressed against his shirt. Soft murmurs of sounds surrounded them and incased them in the single moment that time itself couldn't even intrude.

A word.

A breath.

"Merry Christmas, Liv." Elliot whispered the words as he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead.

"Merry Christmas, El." She breathed.

**-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-**

**The End.**

* * *

**So, now I have this out of my system I can function normally.**

**...I lied. I'll never function normally. I stood in an elevator with two friends and a bunch of women - complete strangers - with strollers and some guy when all of a sudden my friend ges 'Hope nobody gets motion sickness'. Me and my other frirend were on the floor in a matter of split seconds. That's the effects of 7 cans of Redbull (Between us) and a chocolate sundae each - that's all we had all day.**

**Anyway, my point is you should leave a review because they count as donations to the 'Hopefully keep xXBlissfulCursesXx sane' foundation.**

**Happy Christmahannukwanzikah!! ( Stolen from AdriaDara)**


End file.
